Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
