Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just invented taco cereal.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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