Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
