Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
