she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so let's talk penis.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
