hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
