I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
