Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
