Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
false alarm, still single
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