Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
