Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
