She just used a chaser for red wine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
