i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
