Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please, let me fuck your mom
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
