The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
