If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
