I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
