in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am naked and annoyed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This toilet bowl is my home.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
