a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
