she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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