Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
