She is in my trunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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