nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
