i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
