You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
