omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
