Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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