WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
