you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
