I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
