Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
