he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
