I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
