just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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