My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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