Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come on in and take your pants off
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