Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
