Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
