since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
