I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
