i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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