Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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