Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
