I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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