I queefed so loud it echoed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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