That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
