I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
