I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
