On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
