We need to rekindle our bromance
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
